Well my research into the subject of sex in your sixties has not got off to a good start.
This is the first thing – my apologies for the very direct language – I stumbled upon which made me feel just a little depressed!
Sexagenarian is bit of a misleading word…this is more apt a term for the 18-30 year-old group, because your sex life doesn’t compare to theirs…they are the athletes and you the spectators. Your testosterone level has plummeted over the decades, probably accounting for your diminished desire. Erections are still obtainable with some coaxing and coercion, but they are not five star erections, more like three stars, suitable for penetration, but not the flagpole of yonder years. They are less reliable, and at times your penis suffers with attention deficit disorder, unable to focus and losing its mojo prematurely, unable to complete the task at hand. Spontaneous erections, nighttime, and early morning erections become rare occurrences. Climax is, well, not so climactic and explosive ejaculations are a matter of history. At times, you think you climaxed, but are unsure because the sensation was so un-sensational. Your “rifle” has now become a child’s plastic “water pistol.” Seconds?…thank you no …that is reserved for helpings on the dinner table! Sex is no longer a recreational activity, but an occasional amusement.
Of course I’m right at the beginning of this decade – and none of what I read above applies to me which is very important to make clear!
My issue right now is more to do with keeping sex fresh in the midst of a long-term relationship. No harm in preparing myself for my future though so I continued my search and found an article on the Sage website, Sex over 60 – what no one will tell you.
It starts off very positively saying that sex can be more enjoyable as you get older and that according to a 2013 Saga survey, 71 per cent of over 50s reported having a healthy sex life, up from 65 per cent in 2007.
The article then seems to head downhill with a slew of negative sub-heads including:
- Infection is a bigger risk than you might think
- Your libido won’t be the same – but that’s normal
- You don’t need an erection for satisfying sex
- Sex can be painful for women – but it doesn’t have to be
Some of the article makes useful points but it all left me feeling a little sad.
Maybe that’s my problem and I should learn to accept that things change when you get older, not always for the worse but sometimes.
Perhaps the key to navigating retirement and senior life in general is going with the flow – or lack of! – rather than trying to fight the inevitable all the time.
I’m reminded of Lionel Shriver’s ‘Not giving a shit’ approach, maybe I need this is something I constantly cultivate.
Undaunted, I’m going to seek out more content and see if I can find the sex in sexagenarian! All input, tips and advice welcome.