Christmas Day 2020 is here at last.

By 8.35am we’d opened all our presents.  It takes weeks to buy them, hours to wrap them and minutes to open them.

I’ve been a very lucky boy – great pressies from Mrs Jones including some new trainers and a new running cap.  It’s a beautiful bright sunny day and there was more than a part of me that wanted to go for a run imagining myself gliding through my 5k in record time thanks to my new superlight, aerodynamic Nike trainers, my new cap and nothing else.

Thankfully I resisted the temptation, had a bacon sandwich and uncorked a Bucks Fizz for breakfast.  I then did my stint in the kitchen pealing spuds and doing some of the Christmas dinner basics before Mrs Jones takes over to do the clever stuff.

Yesterday was quite a fraught day partly thanks to me deciding it would be a good idea to get the downstairs toilet decorated in time for the big day.  There were various last-minute mishaps including a cracked mirror on the corner cabinet but we get through it all in the end.

After visiting the elderly relatives we were then wrapping until 10.30pm before having a Christmas Eve hot tub and gin & tonic session to help us calm down before bed.

Today we’ve got family joining us for Christmas dinner and I feel blessed to be spending it with them when so many can’t because of the latest Covid lockdowns.

At least the world of politics gave us something good yesterday as it now seems once and for all Brexit is done, we have our trade deal with the EU and we can stop talking about that.  There will be a day when we stop talking about Covid too, I cannot wait.

Anyway enough of the real world, today should be all about tradition so here’s a few awful Christmas Cracker jokes with the first one being so very apt!

Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis

Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer

What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we’ll go places

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy

What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve

What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are so last season

What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head

What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper

What is the best Christmas present? A broken drum, you can’t beat it!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

What do elfs learn in school? The elf-abet

Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught

If you and I were socks, we’d make a great pair!

Why are Santa’s deers always wet? Because they’re reindeers!

What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even

What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes

What movie do the Three Wise Men watch on Christmas Day? A Star Is Born

What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker


Published by brianjonesdiary

Dad, husband, brother and son. Interested in travel, politics, sport, health and much more. Semi-retired and aiming to making the most of life as I approach my sixth decade.

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